New Mom Vibes

For the past two years, my life has been a complete whirlwind ever since I was pregnant with my first child. To give you a summary in one sentence, I was engaged, got pregnant, cancelled the wedding, had Khalia, went back to work, got laid off, got a job offer the next day, got married, got pregnant again, left my job, moved to Minnesota, bought a house, had Hasani and here I am two years later. I went from living in fast paced Boston and being super focused on my career to becoming a wife and stay at home mom.

I’m so blessed and thankful that I’m able to choose to be a stay at home mom until I’m ready to go back to work. Logically, the choice was easy.  The cost of having not one, but two BABIES in daycare is insane! Like seriously??!!? The monthly cost of daycare would be even more than our mortgage!!  Mentally, the choice was a little more difficult. Can we afford to live off of one income? Am I wasting my Masters’ degree? Will I get bored? Am I a good enough mother to raise my kids full time?

After going through these questions, the one thing that kept sticking with me was that my babies will grow up fast so embrace this phase full on and be thankful for the opportunity to be able to stay at home with these little humans.  It’s been a fun but challenging transition and each day has its highs and lows. I’m passing along what I’ve learned so far with transitioning from a full-time job to stay at home mom.

Set expectations with your partner

From the outside, and from what we see on TV, stay at home moms are sometimes depicted as living this glamorous life when in fact a majority of us are neck deep in laundry, dishes, diapers, crying babies, and toddler tantrums. I’m saying this because your partner may not understand what you do on a day-to-day basis. Sit down with your partner and discuss both of your expectations as you transition to staying at home full time.

As a stay at home mom, more of the household responsibilities may fall on you but that also doesn’t mean your partner forgoes all responsibilities either so It is very important to talk about expectations BEFORE you transition to staying at home full time. Remember, you are a team and you need to operate in a way that’s best for the family.

Gradually transition into staying at home

If possible, gradually transition to becoming a stay at home mom. When I moved to Minnesota, I was fortunate enough to be able to work at Boston job remotely on a part time basis until they found my replacement.  As someone that loved my job and was nervous about how I would feel being a stay at home mom, being able to phase into staying home full time helped me tremendously.

Find support through other stay at home moms

Being a stay at home mom can be tough and isolating as well.  Having mom friends that are going through similar experiences as you can allow you to laugh, cry and vent together while having people around you who understand what you’re going through.  You can also schedule play dates with other moms which will allow you and your kids to get out of the house and socialize with other people.

You can find mom friends through mom groups, church, meetup.com or by just going out to the park with your kids.

Accept the fact that you can’t do it all

The mountain sized pile of laundry needs to be washed, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, dinner needs to be cooked, etc. How do you do it all while also taking care of the kids? You don’t.  As a Virgo who is organized and likes to have everything scheduled and in order, this one is still something I have to work on. Accept the fact that there will be days of complete and utter chaos and nothing you have on your to-do list gets done.  It’s completely fine. On those days just embrace the pile of clothes in the corner, plop that frozen lasagna into the oven and call it a day.

Life isn’t perfect, especially as a stay at home mom. Give up the thought of being the perfect mom because there’s no such thing.

Find some alone time in the mornings

I do miss the alone time I got as a working mom during my commute, lunch, and even in while using the bathroom! When you’re a stay at home mom, you don’t really have the luxury of alone time.  One thing that helps me is getting up 30 minutes before my kids do so I can get my thoughts together. During this time, I either say my morning prayers, work on a hobby or get a quick workout in. Whatever you do, that 30 minutes of alone time can really set the tone of your day. I’ve noticed a complete change in my mood in the mornings if I just get 30 minutes to myself to do whatever I want to do.

Transitioning from working to staying at home full-time has had its challenges but I also love being able to be with my babies all day. Whether I decide to stay home for a few more months, a year, or even longer, I still believe that this is the best decision for me and my family at this time in our lives.